Title: Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Part 3: Red Carpet, Red Flags, Red Lipstick (a.k.a. The Night I Accidentally Flirted With My Fake Husband) Here’s a universal truth no one warns you about: You don’t realize you’re falling for your fake husband until he shows up in a tux, hands you your favorite snack, and says, “You ready to destroy some billionaires with your beauty tonight?” And suddenly your feminist values glitch like a busted Wi-Fi router. Bentley’s Penthouse – aka Barbie DreamHouse for Billionaire Himbo Men I was mid-scream at my eyeliner (it was rebelling, as usual) when Bentley knocked on the door to the guest bedroom I’d been occupying for exactly three hours. Because apparently, showing up to a billionaire gala as a couple means getting ready together. (I was against it. HR would be against it. But his puppy-dog eyes won, like they always do.) “Lila?” he called. “Do you need help?” “Unless you’ve mastered liquid eyeliner and feminist rage, NO.” He pe...
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Title: Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Part 4: One Bed, Two Idiots, Zero Chill (aka The Trip That Broke My Brain) I would like to begin this chapter with a simple public service announcement: If your billionaire boss-slash-fake fiancé suggests a “surprise romantic weekend trip to solidify our story,” RUN. Run like your ex is holding a ukelele. Because otherwise you will end up—like me—in the middle of nowhere, in a five-star cabin, next to the hottest man alive , with exactly one bed and no escape route. Welcome to my TED Talk. Friday, 4:48 p.m. | The Cabin of Doom (and Potential Feelings) “Okay, this isn’t so bad,” I lied, standing in the center of a Pinterest-perfect cabin while my soul left my body. Bentley grinned as he flopped on the only bed. “I know, right? Cozy! Rustic! Intimate!” “WHERE IS THE SECOND BED, RYDER?!” He patted the mattress like it was a puppy. “Plot twist: there isn’t one.” I stared at him. He stared back with those huge eyes and an expression...
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Title: Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Part 5: The Fiancé Files a PR Emergency (aka We’re Having a Wedding in 3 Weeks & I Just Found Out from Instagram) You know what’s better than waking up in a billionaire’s bed? Absolutely anything else. Especially when the billionaire in question is your fake fiancé and your feelings are getting squishier than microwaved marshmallows. Especially-especially when you open your phone and see this on his company’s official Instagram: 🥂 BIG NEWS: Bentley Ryder & his fiancée Lila Iyer will be tying the knot in 3 weeks at the exclusive Blue Haven Estate! 💍💐 Save the date—this love story is just getting started! 💖 #RyderInLove #CEOFiancé I dropped my phone. Screamed into a pillow. Then chucked that pillow at Bentley’s unsuspecting head. Because this is war now. Back at the Penthouse of Lies & Latte Machines “Bentley Alexander Ryder!” He shuffled in, hair a mess, wearing pajama pants with golden retrievers on them. “Wha...
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Title: Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Chapter 6: Ex Marks the Plot Twist (a.k.a. This Wedding Has More Red Flags Than a Formula 1 Race) Let me be clear: I was not going to snoop. I am not a snooper. I am a grown woman with principles and a curated list of feminist podcasts. But when you get an anonymous email at midnight with a photo of your fake fiancé looking like he’s auditioning for The Notebook 2: This Time It’s Someone Else , you stop being a functioning adult and start spiraling faster than a tumbleweed in a telenovela. Especially when the photo is timestamped from three weeks ago. Before the fake engagement. When Bentley was allegedly too busy running a billion-dollar empire to date. Wanna know what’s harder than ignoring feelings? Pretending they never existed in the first place. Espresso & Emotional Damage I was in the kitchen slamming coffee like it owed me money when Bentley walked in. Sleep-rumpled. Barefoot. Wearing a hoodie that said “CEO of Your...
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Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Chapter 7: The Ex Has Entered the Chat (aka I Came Here to Fake-Marriage and Drink Matcha, But Now There’s an Ex in My Living Room) You know when the air changes? Like how dogs sense earthquakes or how I sense overpriced oat milk? Yeah. That’s what it felt like when she walked in. I was mid-bite into my taco (soft shell, extra guac, zero drama) when the elevator dinged. A breeze of expensive perfume and soul-crushing tension floated in, and then— Hazel. Tall. Blonde. Designer heels clicking like they were filing a lawsuit against my dignity. “Hi, Benny,” she said sweetly, as if she hadn’t just materialized in our home uninvited like the villain in a YA enemies-to-lovers subplot. Benny? I choked on guac. Tuesday, 7:05 p.m. | The Most Uncomfortable 2 Minutes of My Life Hazel gave me the once-over. The kind you’d give someone who accidentally sat in your assigned seat on a private jet. “Oh,” she said lightly. “This must be her.” I resist...
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Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Chapter 8: Kiss Now, Panic Later (a.k.a. I Accidentally Caught Feelings and Now the Wedding Planner Thinks We're in Therapy) Wednesday, 6:29 a.m. | The Morning After the Kiss Heard ‘Round the Penthouse Waking up next to Bentley Ryder felt like waking up next to a golden retriever in a cologne ad. Warm. Quiet. Slightly too beautiful to be legal in five countries. I blinked up at the ceiling, brain fully rebooting after our "definitely real, extremely dangerous, very not fake anymore" kiss last night. He was still asleep, messy hair, lips slightly parted, arm tossed over the pillow like a romantic movie casualty. I should’ve gotten up. I should’ve run. Or screamed. Or at least emotionally dry-cleaned my heart. Instead, I watched him for ten whole minutes. And then? I made him pancakes. Help. Wednesday, 9:00 a.m. | Wedding Planning with a Side of Existential Crisis Enter: Genevieve , our wedding planner. A tiny French woman with...
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Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Chapter 9: Rehearsals, Revelations, and Regrets The week before the wedding should have been a peaceful montage of flower arranging, dress fittings, and awkward family introductions. Instead, it felt like a reality show where every episode ends in a dramatic cliffhanger—starring me, Bentley, and the ever-looming Hazel. The wedding rehearsal was supposed to be the calm before the storm. Instead, it was the storm. Bentley and I stood awkwardly at the altar, surrounded by an army of florists, photographers, and three too many people named “Karen.” The officiant was patiently trying to run through vows, but honestly, I was too busy trying not to glare at Hazel—who somehow was invited. Again. By Bentley. “Why is she here?” I hissed under my breath. Bentley gave me a look that said not now, but his jaw was clenched so tight I thought it might snap. Then Hazel stepped forward, all innocence and perfume. “I just wanted to say something before this fa...
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Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Chapter 10: Wedding Bells and Plot Twists The big day arrived like a thunderstorm on a sunny afternoon — unexpected, intense, and impossible to ignore. The penthouse had been transformed into a fairy tale set: twinkling fairy lights, roses in every shade of pink, and enough candles to set off half the city’s fire alarms. Genevieve was running around like a caffeinated pixie queen, making sure every detail was “perfectly imperfect.” Bentley and I were locked in a silent war of nerves backstage. The fake marriage had started as a contract, but now it felt like we were walking a tightrope made of feelings, secrets, and the kind of hope I didn’t want to admit I had. Just as the music began, Bentley leaned close and whispered, “Whatever happens out there, you’ve got me.” I nodded, heart skipping. Then, the unthinkable happened. Hazel stepped forward — not as a guest, but with a microphone and a look that screamed “I’m about to ruin everything.” “I...
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Married by 9, Divorced by 5 Chapter 11: Vows, Truths, and Second Chances The room buzzed with energy—half anticipation, half “did-that-just-really-happen” shock. Hazel stood frozen, like she’d just realized she’d crashed a party she wasn’t invited to. Bentley’s hand in mine grounded me. The words he was about to say? They felt like a lifeline tossed into a sea of chaos. He cleared his throat. “Everyone, I want to be clear about something. Hazel and I have a past, yes. But that past is exactly that—past.” He turned to me, eyes sincere and steady. “Lila, you’ve challenged me, inspired me, and showed me what real partnership means. I don’t want a contract. I want a future—with you.” I felt my heart leap. This was it. The moment I’d been waiting for since our fake marriage started. I took a deep breath and smiled. “Bentley, I’m not the girl you hired to play pretend. I’m the woman who believes in us—whatever this is.” We faced the crowd, hands still intertwined. The offician...
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💌 HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN HATE-TEXTS CHAPTER 4: MISTLETOE TRAP Part 2: THE ALMOST-KISS Rule #3: No actually catching feelings. (Too late.) The Valentine’s Day dance committee meeting was going exactly as expected: Badly. Asher had taped printed spreadsheets to the wall like some corporate overlord. I’d countered by replacing all his bullet points with "I ❤ June" doodles. "Real mature, Vega," he said, plucking a doodle off the wall. "Thanks, I try." I kicked my boots up on the table. "So what’s next? Balloons? Sparklers? A live performance of you admitting I’m right?" "Decorations," he said, ignoring me. "We’re doing a winter wonderland theme." I choked on my soda. "Excuse me? We agreed on ‘Anti-Love Club’ —black lights, punk bands, a literal wall where people can scribble their ex’s worst traits—" "We didn’t agree on anything." He tossed me a bag of silver tinsel. "And you lost the ...
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💌 HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN HATE-TEXTS 🔥 SYNOPSIS: When sworn enemies Juniper Vega and Asher Cole get stuck planning their school's Valentine's dance, they make a bet: fake date for a week, first to catch feelings loses. But between forced PDA, a mistletoe ambush, and a kiss that changes everything, their "fake" rivalry starts feeling dangerously real. 💘 TROPES: ✔ Enemies-to-Lovers ✔ Fake Dating 📌 Think: The Hating Game meets Never Have I Ever – with all the messy, hilarious heartache of high school. PART 1: THE BET CHAPTER 1: THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH Juniper’s POV Asher Cole was the human equivalent of a parking ticket. Unnecessary. Infuriating. And always showing up when you least wanted him. Like right now, as he leaned against my locker, smirking like he’d already won some invisible game I didn’t agree to play. “Move,” I said, jabbing my key toward his ribs. “Make me.” ...